Humans are sexual by nature. It’s been this way since the dawn of our existence. It’s in our genetic makeup, it’s a desire that’s encoded in us, and dictates almost every aspect of our lives. It’s evident in everything we do, even more so in everything we see. We are predisposed to respond to sexuality almost viscerally, and yet are ostracized when it seems to escape the norm. When the “norm” is an outdated standard set in a time of sexual oppression.

We’re a far cry from the days where exposing too much skin would be grounds for indictable punishment. However, BDSM seems to fall short in the realm of social acceptance. We live in a world where sexuality is exploited, and woman are judged by their appearance rather than their intellect. The media constantly feeds us images of females being presented as sexual objects, and rap songs praise strippers, yet the idea of a sexually dominant female is never presented in the main stream unless it’s as a joke.

The most widely accepted literature on the subject is Fifty Shades of Grey, which in principal is about a dominant man and a submissive woman. This is the most notable material on the subject in the vanilla world, and one of the most grossly misinformed representations of BDSM I’ve ever had the misfortune of reading. Fifty Shades isn’t about a consensual BDSM relationship at all. It’s about a financially successful man who essentially manipulates and mentally abuses a woman forcing her into a DS type of relationship.

The only positive thing the BDSM community got from this franchise is presenting the life style on a much broader spectrum. It allows bored house wives to spank their partners after bounding them to the bed post with bungee rope, and now they can do so unrepressed and in a fashionable manor. Please don’t’ misunderstand, I’m not trying to put down vanilla relationships in saying this. I’m friends with a lot of vanilla couples, and they don’t judge my preferences, as I don’t judge theirs.

I clearly gravitate towards more…interesting relationships, and can’t seem to appreciate the vanilla lifestyle in quite the same regard. In all honesty I tried it once, and it was the worst three months of my life. I also tried my hand at being submissive to one of my partners (outside of solitary experiences for professional reasons) that also didn’t last long. I’ve tried pretty much everything you can imagine, and because of that I know that I work best in a dominate role, it’s something that I get an incredible high from and comes absolutely naturally to me.

I personally don’t give a shit what suits you best, but the point is at least find out what suits you. I’m such a huge advocate of the practice, and am so proud of what I do. I have no shame in telling others, and although you don’t need to be as verbal about it as I am don’t be ashamed of it. I understand that everyone has their reasons for discretion, but to me it has been my saving grace in so many different ways (and I know a lot of life stylers with similar sentiment). The ones that are constantly trying to shame me about it are the same ones that have no prerequisite to do so.

Don’t allow someone else’s preconceived notions about something they know nothing about deprive you of the experience.

-Mistress Kayla